Setting Healthy Boundaries at Christmas
If there ever was a time for us to put ourselves first and create boundaries that support our mental, emotional, physical, and even social and spiritual health – the festive season is it.
The interesting thing is that it goes against a lot of the societal conditioning and messaging we are exposed to this time of year. Prioritise other’s needs (ahead of our own), commit to every social outing, say yes to every drink or piece of food offered, throw our routine out the window, get caught up in the “Christmas rush”, spend money unwisely, and make sure you are exhausted come Christmas morning.
Now at risk of putting a dampener on all the wonderful things this time of year can bring to us, I’m here to remind you that you can still have your cake and eat it too, and most importantly enjoy it. Setting boundaries for our health is one of the most impactful acts of self-care we can gift to ourselves, and to others. It reinforces the value we place on our health and creates space for others to show up and do the same. Consciously making choices that support our wellbeing rather than those that negatively affect it, declares that our health doesn’t have an off switch that’s determined by certain times of year, events, or external pressure. It is something that we prioritise regardless, and boundaries create the foundation for that to take place.
To avoid the overwhelm and stress, skip the people-pleasing, and reduce the festive season fatigue here are some boundaries you can look to implement and set yourself up for a much more relaxing, joy-filled and personally nourishing holiday experience.
Food - Your dietary choices are yours alone, and don’t require an explanation. If there are certain foods you can’t eat or simply don’t want to eat, you can respectfully say no. If you know you are going to someone’s home or an event and there may not be food that is suitable for you, either plan ahead of time to have this catered to, bring a dish or suitable snacks with you, or eat a nourishing meal beforehand.
Body, appearance - People commenting on your weight, appearance or your eating habits is never ok, and yet it is amplified this time of year. The dreaded body and food shaming from family, friends, or even strangers. If you find yourself in a conversation or on the receiving end of a comment such as this, you can ask the other person to stop and let them know that you feel it is unnecessary and uncomfortable. Or you can simply exit the situation and the conversation altogether.
Alcohol - We can let go of the idea that we need alcohol to be social, to celebrate or to connect with others. Setting boundaries around alcohol consumption is so important, not just for how we feel on a physical level, but especially mentally and emotionally. If you feel pressured to consume alcohol beyond what you feel comfortable, you can set a boundary to not engage in certain situations or environments or you can simply opt for non-alcoholic drink.
Routine - Choosing to keep to your usual self-care (‘healthcare’) routine is a boundary that shouldn’t need any justification at Christmas. Your daily movement and exercise, stress management practices, morning and night-time routines, supplement regimes and diet are all things that you shouldn’t feel guilty for committing to. It’s not about sticking to a perfect routine; it’s about choosing what you know is the best thing for you in any given moment. That sleep-in could be just the thing you need, just as much as that morning walk in the sunshine.
Money - Allow yourself some space to get clear on your spending this time of year. Overspending is another form of overindulging at Christmas time, and it can really add unnecessary financial stress not only in the short term, but even well into the new year. Having honest conversations with those we feel comfortable with around buying presents, and what our boundaries are can be one of the easiest ways to avoid financial worry or guilt. I find this conversation also opens us to ask what else can we be investing in that isn’t focused on money. Our time and energy and the depth of our experiences are what bring the most value – and lasting memories.
Relationships – Christmas can be a difficult time for many when it comes to relationships, with so many individual factors at play. However, one of the biggest factors that can influence who we spend time with over the festive season is obligation. Deciding who we see or don’t see can be one of the hardest boundaries to set, because it often means we need to make peace with not making everyone happy or being on the receiving end of opinions or disappointment. On the other side of this though is being intentional with our interactions and entering spaces with those where there is reciprocated respect, love, understanding and warmth. All things we are all worthy of experiencing more of, no matter what time of year.
When it comes to setting healthy boundaries, there is no right or wrong way. Creating boundaries really requires that we first give ourselves the permission, especially if we have never been modelled this or if it feels like a foreign idea in some of our family and friendship circles. It’s also a reminder to ourselves and to others that boundaries are not there to create disharmony, they are there to facilitate a deeper sense of balance, harmony, acceptance, and freedom in our lives and to really show up for our health and